Quieting Negative Self -Talk

I want to start off saying this is not an article that is going to tell you that you must stay positive all the time. Absolutely not! I do not believe in that. That is when it becomes “toxic positivity”. Feel all of your feels. As my son would say, “Sometimes you have to embrace the suck.”

Sometimes a little “negative” self-talk or barb from your inner critic is just what you need to get up off your butt and do what you need to do.

When it really becomes, and issue is when it is repeated and perpetuating the limiting beliefs that have been programed into our subconscious. Remember our subconscious does not have any discernment, it believes whatever you tell it. So, if you continue to tell yourself belittling thing about yourself that is what it will believe and will be what it thinks you deserve. It will undermine all the hard work you are doing to heal, grow, and build the life you deserve.

You may also notice that that inner critic sounds awful familiar. It often sounds like that critical parent, teacher, relative, or “friend” that installed those limiting beliefs in the first place. These are often the same things we are trying to heal and overcome. Why in the world would we want to re-enforce them.

Also, all this negative self-talk from the inner critic can add more stress and dis-ease on us which can lead to disease. Studies have found that negative self-talk can lead to mental health issues such as:

• Decreased motivation: Who feels like doing things when you already feel defeated, and your self-efficacy is in the toilet.

• Helplessness: It can put you in that dark pit of despair that can lead you to feeling helpless to get yourself out of it.

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Perfectionism. At first glance thing may seem like a positive. But perfection is an unattainable illusion. It has been proven that the most successful people and those that accomplish the most strive for great and move on to then next when they reach good enough. Rather than spinning their tires looking for perfection.

• Limited thinking. As we have discussed listening to this inner critic can keep you stuck with limited thinking such as I can never be thin, get the guy, have the great job, be a successful artist, etc. Whatever your dream is. It keeps us in doubt and fear of failure. What if I fall on my face? But what if you soar? You may fall on your face, but in that you may learn a valuable lesson that if you get up and try again you will soar to new heights.

• Relationship challenges: When you don’t believe good things about yourself it can be hard for someone that loves you to hear you being constantly down on yourself.

Ok we have talked about why we want to limit the negative self-talk and shut that inner critic up. How do we go about that? Here are some strategies to help:

• Catch your inner critic in the act.

• Check them in mid comment and shut them down.

• Check the validity of what they are saying.

• Remember thoughts and feelings are not facts.

• Cross examine them and make them give you true facts.

• If what they are saying is not the facts, let tell yourself what the true facts are.

• Neutralize what the inner critic is saying.

• Maybe you did trip over your own feet. That does not make it a fact that you are clumsy. Neutralize it into something like we all make mistakes or missteps.

• Turn the statements into something that is fact but neutral but true.

• Would you talk like that to a friend.

• How would you feel if you heard someone talk about one of your good friends like that?

• Talk to yourself as you would a dear friend.

• Affirmations

• Use affirmations to reprogram those limiting beliefs.

• Practice positive self-talk.

• If this is something, you struggle with practice in front of mirror.

• Use Touchstones

• Touchstones are persons who you are very close with and that you can trust to be completely honest with you.

• You can use them to check the validity of your thoughts and feelings vs the facts.

• These are also the people you can turn to talk through and process feeling with before you react from a place of hurt or anger.

• Be Present

• Practice being in the moment.

• Some time we get caught in our heads going over all the could haves, should haves, would haves. That gets us nowhere good. Unless you have Doc Brown on speed dial and a DeLorean in the driveway; you can’t go back and change it. All you can do is as you learn better you do better.

• Sometimes we get caught worrying about the future. Again, this is not productive. You can prepare yourself the best you are able. Make a plan. Then let it be. All you can do is your very best. Then learn from the outcome, whether it is a success or failure.

• Living in the past causes depression. Living in the future causes anxiety.

• End statements from your inner critic with ...and...

• Your inner critic tells you are clumsy. You add... and sometimes everyone has a clumsy moment and makes a mistake.

• Create Power Statements for yourself!

• Some examples: I am a powerful being of light. I am Goddess! I am God! I am a Divine Being! A Turtle Never Gets Anywhere unless he sticks his neck out.

• Compliment others.

• Not only does it lift up others, but it also makes you feel great too.

• Also, you never know what others are going through. One little complement can make all the difference in someone’s life that day.

• Practice Gratitude

• Whether you keep a gratitude journal or speak them outload or to yourself. Reminding yourself all the reasons you have to be grateful can really lift you up.

• It also attracts more things to be grateful for into your life.